My chronic pain is very much a part of me. It is me, it does define me, but it’s far from all of me. I often hear attempts at inspiration try to say things like don’t let your illness define you. But living in denial won’t help me either. I think, like many things, it’s a balancing act. So, I want to try that this year, writing and living honestly with my disabilities along with my passions like nature. Because it’s all part of me.
I have hesitated to write because so much has changed since I began my writing journey. I am so much more disabled now. I find it hard to fight through brain fog and make sense of my thoughts. I have also found it hard to connect with nature since I often can’t hike or be outside for extended periods anymore. I have to relearn how I approach writing and nature.
Writing this, my joints hurt. I’m wearing wrist braces (which makes it very difficult to type) because my wrists are hurting after spending some time at the arcade. I think I did overdo it after all, just when my physical therapist told me to, “have fun! But don’t overdo it.” That’s always a fine, faint line that is so difficult to gauge until I accidentally cross it and realize it too late that yeah, I overdid it… again…
I want to give a snapshot of what life is like for someone with disabilities and chronic pain. These things are so often sugar-coated. Or we are reduced to medical research, diagnoses, and doctor appointments. However, there’s a much more human experience to chronic pain and disability, that whether disabled or not, we all should learn to acknowledge.
In other words, I want to tell our story, to make it more than data, and show what it’s really like to live it, the good the bad, the painful, and the frustrating. Also, let’s make this an open space. If you want to tell your story of living with disabilities, you can comment or email me. I’d love to chat and hear your story too and share it if you wish.
Corrinne Brumby 