Tag: fibromyalgia

The Reality of Life with Chronic Illness

On By corrinnebrumbyIn chronic illness, chronic pain, Ehlers' Danlos, fibromyalgia, mental health, Writing Through the FogLeave a comment

I’m in pain. And maybe it is endless, it is, let’s face it. I’ll be seeing a number of specialists, taking meds, having surgeries, and unable to work for the rest of my life.

I’m having trouble accepting where I’m at and being okay with it. Unable to work, unable to write much, unable to think clearly, and the expectation to do those things. I can’t even shower without sending myself into a flare-up. Tasks that were once easy are an immense chore and it doesn’t seem easy for people to grasp the extent of my pain and disability.

It’s a constant battle accepting that, but I’m not alone, it’s not my fault, and people love me as I am. It seems straightforward enough, but I have to remind myself of these things daily.

There is still life and joy, moments that are worth it in the middle of all the pain. It’s difficult but it’s worth it.

Existing is exhausting. Life in general is hard but when just breathing, standing, and walking causes immense joint, muscular, and nerve pain, it’s discouraging. It’s a constant fight to keep going, which in the end is exhausting.

Often, when you get sick or injure yourself, you’re able to go to the doctor; they run a few tests and the diagnosis is straightforward. They send you home with some antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, and within a few weeks, you’re better.

I have no hope of getting better, just managing as best I can to function and not get worse with PT, daily exercises, and a handful of medications. This is the reality with chronic pain and chronic illness, it’s a constant fight and balancing act.

People tell me I’m strong. I know what they mean. But I don’t have a choice it’s fight or give up and die. So being strong doesn’t feel like a compliment when for me it’s simply surviving. If I had a choice, I would like a break, a chance to be weak for a time, to be able to rest, be pain-free for a moment.

It’s hard to grasp chronic pain and illness until you’re living it, and it’s even harder once you are, to accept it, to be okay that you aren’t getting better, and to find the will to keep going and get up each day, or most days despite it all.

We with chronic illness know we are strong but really, we are exhausted. Next time you see someone with chronic illness maybe rather than tell them how strong they are give them a hug or tea if they can tolerate it and give them permission to let go, and rest for a moment, lend a comforting shoulder or a cozy sofa with lots of blankets and treats, we really just need permission and a place to rest for a moment.

A week and a half of migraines…

On By corrinnebrumbyIn chronic illness, fibromyalgia, mental health, Writing Through the FogLeave a comment

I’m going on a week and a half of migraines… I’m exhausted. My head is spinning, I can’t think straight, I’m wearing my sunglasses inside and my noise canceling headphones to try to lessen the sensory impact on my sensitive nervous system. One of the worst things–how difficult it is to write. I want to write so bad. I miss it. I love it, and I feel as if this passion is being taken from me along with everything else, unless I can reshape it and rework it to work with my body and mind and my many new limitations, which have become a maze to navigate. As if writing alone wasn’t hard enough, now to try to get these two to work together. I’ll see what I can do.

This is one thing I’ve learned with disability and chronic illness, you have to get creative with how you do everything, even things you were familiar with, you have to invent new ways to do them that work with your body and mind and become your own inventor for all your accommodations.

I’m having to do that now and it’s a challenge. I don’t know how I’ll do that with my writing or where to start but here’s to trying because I’m not quite ready to give this dream up.

Writing Through the Fog

On By corrinnebrumbyIn chronic illness, fibromyalgia, mental health, Neurodivergent, Writing Through the Fog1 Comment

I want to write more but the mental fog, the burnout. It hurts knowing how much I love to write, how much writing means to me, and being too exhausted, in pain, and foggy to focus on it much at all. 

I know what my writing could be and maybe that’s part of what holds me back from writing the little bit I can. I fear my words and thoughts will come out jumbled. The thoughts get stuck and sometimes lost altogether before making it to the page. 

But I’ll try writing even though it may be jumbled, messy, and incoherent at times; at least I’m writing and that’s something. I’ll write in short jumbled snippets if I have to. So here it goes. You can follow along if you wish my writing may be messy but it’s me, doing what I can.