Tag: health

The Reality of Life with Chronic Illness

On By corrinnebrumbyIn chronic illness, chronic pain, Ehlers' Danlos, fibromyalgia, mental health, Writing Through the FogLeave a comment

I’m in pain. And maybe it is endless, it is, let’s face it. I’ll be seeing a number of specialists, taking meds, having surgeries, and unable to work for the rest of my life.

I’m having trouble accepting where I’m at and being okay with it. Unable to work, unable to write much, unable to think clearly, and the expectation to do those things. I can’t even shower without sending myself into a flare-up. Tasks that were once easy are an immense chore and it doesn’t seem easy for people to grasp the extent of my pain and disability.

It’s a constant battle accepting that, but I’m not alone, it’s not my fault, and people love me as I am. It seems straightforward enough, but I have to remind myself of these things daily.

There is still life and joy, moments that are worth it in the middle of all the pain. It’s difficult but it’s worth it.

Existing is exhausting. Life in general is hard but when just breathing, standing, and walking causes immense joint, muscular, and nerve pain, it’s discouraging. It’s a constant fight to keep going, which in the end is exhausting.

Often, when you get sick or injure yourself, you’re able to go to the doctor; they run a few tests and the diagnosis is straightforward. They send you home with some antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, and within a few weeks, you’re better.

I have no hope of getting better, just managing as best I can to function and not get worse with PT, daily exercises, and a handful of medications. This is the reality with chronic pain and chronic illness, it’s a constant fight and balancing act.

People tell me I’m strong. I know what they mean. But I don’t have a choice it’s fight or give up and die. So being strong doesn’t feel like a compliment when for me it’s simply surviving. If I had a choice, I would like a break, a chance to be weak for a time, to be able to rest, be pain-free for a moment.

It’s hard to grasp chronic pain and illness until you’re living it, and it’s even harder once you are, to accept it, to be okay that you aren’t getting better, and to find the will to keep going and get up each day, or most days despite it all.

We with chronic illness know we are strong but really, we are exhausted. Next time you see someone with chronic illness maybe rather than tell them how strong they are give them a hug or tea if they can tolerate it and give them permission to let go, and rest for a moment, lend a comforting shoulder or a cozy sofa with lots of blankets and treats, we really just need permission and a place to rest for a moment.

A week and a half of migraines…

On By corrinnebrumbyIn chronic illness, fibromyalgia, mental health, Writing Through the FogLeave a comment

I’m going on a week and a half of migraines… I’m exhausted. My head is spinning, I can’t think straight, I’m wearing my sunglasses inside and my noise canceling headphones to try to lessen the sensory impact on my sensitive nervous system. One of the worst things–how difficult it is to write. I want to write so bad. I miss it. I love it, and I feel as if this passion is being taken from me along with everything else, unless I can reshape it and rework it to work with my body and mind and my many new limitations, which have become a maze to navigate. As if writing alone wasn’t hard enough, now to try to get these two to work together. I’ll see what I can do.

This is one thing I’ve learned with disability and chronic illness, you have to get creative with how you do everything, even things you were familiar with, you have to invent new ways to do them that work with your body and mind and become your own inventor for all your accommodations.

I’m having to do that now and it’s a challenge. I don’t know how I’ll do that with my writing or where to start but here’s to trying because I’m not quite ready to give this dream up.

The Nature of Healing

On By corrinnebrumbyIn mental health, nature, Nature Writing, NeurodivergentLeave a comment

“As I sit in the humid air, exposing my wounds, nature meets me, exposing her own wounds.”

An essay very personal and close to my heart had the honor of being published recently in the first issue of Mental Rhythm Magazine. They are a literary magazine that seeks to end the stigma around mental health, an issue I also care deeply about. So here is my very honest essay about some of my own experiences with depression and anxiety.

Issue One
Stream Through the Woods

Spending Time With Nature Heals You

On By corrinnebrumbyIn Nature WritingLeave a comment

Four years ago, I woke up in a flurry of emotions; my mind weighed down by a cloud of anxiety and depression. Will he break up with me? What will happen? What should I do? I forced a bowl of cereal down and crawled back into bed. The sun shone through the window beckoning me outside. It looks so happy out there, so why am I sitting in here wallowing in my own pity? I got dressed, put my walking shoes on, stuffed a water bottle, my phone, and a journal in my purse, and went outside.

The summer sun embraced me. I walked, and every step I took the dense cloud on my mind evaporated a little more. I passed by a house with a massive tree that was covered now with bright green leaves. I stopped for a second to inhale and enjoy its beauty. More green trees, flowers, and soft grass beckoned me onward until I departed the subdivision. Across the street was a natural field. Beautiful purple and yellow wildflowers bloomed; their colors filled me with unexplainable happiness. It was hard to believe I was depressed just moments before.

I stopped and sat with the flowers, blue sky, sun, and gentle breeze. They carried away all my fear. Everything I had been anxious about seemed so silly. Nature is more than some nice, pretty scenery to look at; there is this energy about it that brings you back to reality, back to yourself. It restores. It heals. I started to take walks like this every day where I would spend an hour or two enjoying nature and letting nature heal me. Many times, it was the only thing that kept me sane.

In Florida, I would experience similar healing from the ocean. Stressful school assignments would be looming overhead, I would feel overwhelmed with all I had to do, but then we would go to the beach and as my toes touched the sand then the waves, I would forget all my stress and my mind was clear again. It wasn’t that I tried to forget my worries–it happened on its own. Nature healed me without me doing anything but stepping outside and enjoying it for a moment. Life is slower in nature. Nature knows how not to be busy, rest, and enjoy. That peace can’t help but rub off on you.

Nature not only restores us mentally but physically as well. The other day I had been lying in bed with stomach cramps and backaches all day. I was sure I couldn’t run, but I went with my husband to the park anyway. It was beautiful; all the trees were blooming; the grass was growing long and bright green. I tried running, and as I did I felt no pain, the movement felt good. Nature felt good. I managed to run the whole mile around the park, surprised at what my body could do. Movement and being in nature has this way of making you forget your pain, to enjoy and rest in the moment while all your other problems fade.

Originally published on Odyssey